Christian's Mind

2006-06-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

And he told the child, "I dislike eggplant." The little girl replied, "Perhaps you dislike your eggplant but how do you know that you dislike my eggplant". In a fury, the man exclaimed, "A plant is a plant and an egg is an egg!"

Jimmy's Misadventure

2006-04-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

(Jimmy sits in a doctor's office, patiently waiting for a doctor to come)

Jimmy: *Begins sniffing marker*

(3 minutes later, the doctor arrives. The doctor seems shocked at Jimmy's actions.)

Doctor: What are you doing?

(All of the sudden, the ceiling opens up. A leprechaun carrying a mallet falls from it)

Leprechaun: Have ye' been a good boy?

(The leprechaun hits Jimmy's marker with a mallet. This causes the marker to become lodged up Jimmy's nose)

Jimmy: I can finally hear the colors.

(Much blood flows from Jimmy's nose. Jimmy smiles and faints.)

Doctor: Do you think he knows?

(The leprechaun gives the doctor a sly grin)

Leprechaun: He 'asn't got a clue.

2006-01-19T21:18:00.000-08:00

Flying squirel: *Fly's over Billburtfunnice's head*
Billburtfunnice: De'goobalashall! *Slits wrists with teeth*

2006-01-19T21:16:00.000-08:00

Teacher: Come over here. Hurry! 5, 4, 3, 1....
Student: *trips**cracks head open*
Other Students: Murderer!

2006-01-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

Robert: You got gum in your pubic hair?
Stewert: Yeah...
Robert: How?
Stewert: Well, I was chewing gum in the shower, and I got to thinking... Nevermind, you don't want to know.
Robert: *walks away*

2006-01-08T12:21:00.000-08:00

Man: What did you have for breakfast
Leather-clad woman: Cherry Pie
Man: With whipped cream?
Leather-clad woman: Yes.

Loudspeaker Operator Part 2

2005-12-24T21:52:00.000-08:00

Whipping Droid: Stand Promptly. *Whips back* Stand immediately! *Whips back 5 more times* Suffer the consequences. *Grabs arm* *Rips arm off* *Beats face with arm* *Wraps whip around neck while continuing beating face* *Rips head off from neck with whip*

Cleanup Droid: Why must you make such a mess? *Wraps Canvas over body and drags to incinerator*

The Day After Christmas

2005-12-23T16:01:00.000-08:00

Fernando the Three-Year-Old: Look what my daddy got me *Pulls out handgun* Now you gonna die bitch!

2005-12-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

Wilfred: When I was in school and the students misbehaved, the teachers would throw bonsai trees at the children.

Loudspeaker Operator

2005-12-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

Loudspeaker Operator: Wake up! You must get out of bed. A long day of work awaits you. Take off your clothes! Wash your hair... Wash it well! Shower time is over! Dry off! Get dressed... You must go to work! You must peel potatoes! Peel them fast! You may not take a break! You may not stop. When your arms get tired you must continue for you are not allowed to take a break because you must not stop. Get up!
*Droids come out and begin whipping the oppressed worker*
Worker: The droids cause much pain.

2005-12-14T21:07:00.000-08:00

Robert: You married her?
Stewert: Yeah...
Robert: Just because she's black?
Stewert: I'm tired of people calling me a racist. I thought this would prove them wrong...
Robert: *walks away*